Tag: ask

My aunt died today. I hadn’t seen her in a while, and didn’t even know she was in the hospital. Now she’s gone and I feel empty. Any advice on coping with grief?

Oh wow. I’m so sorry honey–it’s always hard, to lose a family member, even if your relationship with them was complicated. I’m glad you reached out. 

In terms of advice, a lot of this is going to be very broad, because I don’t know what your specific situation is, but I hope it helps you. 

1) Be kind to yourself. Grieving is hard, on both your brain and body. Make sure to do self-care as often as you can (if you’re not sure what self-care is/what counts, message me again and we’ll talk about it). And, along that same vein, don’t be hard on yourself for how you’re feeling, or if you struggle. Try to forgive yourself, if you find that you’re feeling guilty. 

2) Ignore “should”. You might feel like you should feel a particular way about your aunt, or that there’s a specific way you should be grieving, but grief is individual, because every relationship is unique. No one else had the exact same relationship with your aunt that you did, so no one else gets to tell you how you should feel or grieve. Not only that, but there is no perfect way to process grief–everyone does it in their own way and at their own pace. 

3) Don’t run from it. I know from experience that grieving is painful. It’s hard. There are a lot of emotions involved, sometimes there’s what-ifs?, and there are a lot of “firsts” (ex: first birthday without the person who’s gone), so it will probably come in waves. You’ll spend some time being okay, and then it’ll hit you again. I know that life doesn’t stop while you grieve, but if you can take some time for yourself–if you can take a semester off school, time off work, or even just talk to your teachers/managers and push some deadlines forward–it’ll probably help. But when I say “don’t run from it”, I mean don’t ignore it, push it off indefinitely, bottle it up, or refuse to work through it. Because while it’s painful and at times overwhelming, it doesn’t get better unless and until you work through it. You have to let yourself feel whatever you’re feeling, have to process those emotions in whatever way is best for you–through journalling or talking about it with friends, letting yourself cry, listening to music, going to gym/for a walk, talking to family members who knew her, going to counselling, making art. Once you start working through it, it starts getting better, gets easier to breathe. You’ll start spending more time being okay with it than being hit by waves of grief. 

4) Reach out if you need help. Like I said, I don’t know what your particular situation is, but please, if you feel like you’re drowning, reach out. Call a helpline, get some counselling if you can (I know that it’s often included in university/college students’ benefit plans, and there are some jobs where you can get access as an employee–ask around, you won’t know what’s available to you if you don’t ask), get in touch with friends or a family member who’s in a place to support you, post about it on Tumblr, message me again. Just don’t suffer through alone, if it starts getting really bad, if you feel like you can’t cope. 

I’m sending you good thoughts, honey. Hope this helps. 

what is your favourite thing about yourself?

Oh, hmm. This is a hard one, because I think it changes a lot, depending on how my day/week/month is going, but right now? 

I think it’s the way I’m always trying to grow as a person. And the forms that takes can look really different, but I’m always trying to be a better me. 

Here on anon to discuss one (1) Thing: your tags! They are so inspiring to read? You obviously put a lot of thought into the issues and how we can improve and thats admirable. Thank you for your tags. <3 have a great day!

Awh, thank you so much! And you’re right–I really do put a lot of thought into what I put on this blog. Because it’s really easy to give into hopelessness, and to let that devolve into apathy and depression. And that’s a terrible way to live. I want to acknowledge the realities–which, yes, are sometimes really shitty–but also do what I can to soften the blow, to point out that things aren’t hopeless, that there is still good in the world and everyone has the opportunity to put a little goodness back out there. That we’re in this together, and that matters. 

Kindness is hard, but it’s worth it, I think. And I’m glad that that message comes across. ❤ 

I saw your comments on winter’s post about Peter rescuing Stiles from an abusive relationship with Malia and I just wanted to say. WRITE IT. WRITE IT. WRITE IT. No, but seriously you are one of my absolute favorite Steter authors and if you did choose to write that fic I’m pretty sure I would love it with my whole heart. (Dooooo iiiittttttt.)

Wow, thank you so much! I’m seriously flattered by your enthusiasm, and I’m all blushy that you enjoy my fic! 

But, to be completely honest with you, I have no idea if I’ll write that or not. I’ve seen a number of people express an interest in reading it if I wrote it, but I’m not sure it’s really going to grab me. Additionally, I’ve never written Malia before–I’m one of those people who just pretends she doesn’t exist when I write fic, and I’m generally uninterested in her character. 

So while I would love to say “yes” and watch you and others get excited over the fic-to-come, I’m not going to make promises I can’t keep.