I got involved in fandom in the mid-90s when I was around 14 years old. My cousin @lyndanaclerio sent me VHS recordings of the Sailor Moon dub, and I fell in love… I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before.
Since then, I’ve been in a lot of different fandoms: from manga to YA, Tolkien to Xena, Harry Potter to Teen Wolf, Star Wars to Marvel, and countless mini-fandoms along the way. And I’ve met a lot of cool people online over the years — older and younger alike, including my best friend of 15 years — on all sorts of platforms. I’ve built myself fandom homes on shitty GeoCities fansites and moderately less shitty sites I made from scratch; on Yahoo! Groups and LiveJournal; on AO3 and Tumblr… and that’s nothing compared to others!
But, last week, I turned 36, and according to some, I’ve already overstayed my welcome in fandom by at least a decade. I guess I’m supposed to put all my comics and collectibles on eBay, swap out my fanfiction with whatever the fuck a beach read is, and spend the rest of my life cloistered in my house where I won’t offend society. (I mean, I’m kind of a hermit, but that’s not why.)
And let me be clear here: by some, I mean some. While there is indeed a frightening trend here on Tumblr, in which some young people have embraced bizarrely conservative views about women and sexuality, with the Trumpian rhetoric to match, I think the problem is bigger than that. I recently talked about the pressure I felt to abandon fandom when I was 25 when Tumblr was still brand new, and nothing like it is today. It’s clear there were (and are) more societal forces at work than just a toxic sub-culture on a struggling platform.
So, this post isn’t about the vast majority of young people in fandom, nor am I here to yell “get off my fandom, you pesky kids!” when no one ever said that to 14-year-old me. In fact, this post is as much for fangirls as it is for fanwomen because you deserve to know that getting older doesn’t mean giving up the things you love. But you don’t deserve to tell others to conform just because you’re uncomfortable that they exist. There are already enough toxic fanboys trying to keep women out of geek culture, so don’t help them hold the gates closed from the outside.
And if you are older, and already let that shit drive you out of taking a more active part in fandom, I’ve been there, and I get it. But you can still come back; not just on your private Tumblr, or your secret AO3 account, but for real and any time. One of the most freeing choices I’ve made is to stop pretending I think all of this is stupid. The world needs more quirky, eccentric women, anyways.
Sorry this one is so long, but apparently I have FEELINGS this month — especially after the Bog of Eternal Stench I had to trot through while researching this one — and there are a lot of people who’ve articulated them better than I did here (see the following meta recs). I promise we’ll move on next week! As always, let the authors know you appreciated their work by engaging however you can. And if you ever feel alienated on this site, please feel welcome to talk to me! 💛
Fandom – Ageism
Adults in Fandom by @littlesystems, […] There are a lot of different factors at play with the current fandom purity thing. It’s primarily being driven by minors, which is why I’ve used that as a stand-in, but there are older people who are obsessed with this and younger people who aren’t. Nuance! Exciting stuff. I think the two biggest drivers here are a genuine but misguided desire to make fandom a better place, paired with plain ol’ run-of-the-mill sexism. I’m not the first person to say this and I know others have said it better, but here are my two cents.
Age Appropriate Activities by @telesilla,So this post, another in a long series of “find a bridge club you embarrassing old ladies” posts, came around. And I adulted hard all day and it just really pissed me off and caught me at a bad time.
Ageism in Fandom by @badtech-reblogs, Seeing yet another post about ageism in fandom and I’m trying to do some root cause analysis. That ageism in fandom is tied up with misogyny is a given. There is almost no age too young to start ridiculing a woman for her hobbies and interests, and even young girls are expected to have a maturity and patience beyond their years. The misogyny is coming in from the larger world outside of fandom like how misogyny, ableism, anti-blackness etc. seeps into all subcultures.
Ageism in Fandom: Too Old to Fangirl? by @ravenmorganleigh,@vulgarweed, et al. Most Fandoms are comprised mostly of women, young and old. It’s interesting to me when Young Women– who are the most likely to champion women’s rights can turn around and show their youth-bias when it comes to Older Women in Fandom.
Fandom culture wouldn’t be where it is now if it wasn’t for Old Fandom by @thepalmtoptiger, I almost forgot that ageism in fandom is a thing. Apparently once you hit 25/30 years old you’re supposed to stop having interests in things. People need to freshen up on their fandom history and realize that fandom now wouldn’t be what it is if it wasn’t for older fans.
Getting older doesn’t actually feel like anything by @catchmewhispering, The hilarious thing about growing up, that all the ageist people here are gonna very harshly realise, is getting older doesn’t actually feel like anything. You don’t “turn into” an adult, it’s just another year that passes and, sure, it might become easier to make decisions or figure out how to fix a sticky situation but overall, you don’t suddenly Enter Adult World and never have a goofy thought or a messy moment ever again.
The idea that you will someday be ‘too old’ for the stuff you find fun by @freedom-of-fanfic, […] The idea that you will someday be ‘too old’ for the stuff you find fun now is a long-standing cultural message that I’m sure many anti-shippers – many adolescents of all stripes – have absorbed. that message caused adolescent me to think I would outgrow fandom, and I don’t think that message has particularly changed.
If other people in fandom are older than you, by definition, they have been your age by@codenamecesare,[…] If other people in fandom are older than you, by definition, they have been your age. When fans write about younger characters, we’re not peering through a keyhole at young people now and creeping on them. We are drawing on our own experiences, thoughts, feelings and memories of what it was like when we were that age.
I’m old as balls by @warlordenfilade, […] Just realize that with 30+ year old franchises there will be 30+ year old people who grew up with the franchise and still love it. Tumblr may be a relatively recent platform but fandom as an institution is waaaay older than I am and the Transformers fandom in particular has fans in their 40s and 50s whom I am personally acquainted with, fans who have adapted from photocopy fanzines and snail mail mailing lists to bulletin boards, newsgroups, forums, and, yeah, tumblr, in their many years of fandom.
I wish we’d stop telling each other – and ourselves – that there’s a point at which we’re too old for fandom by @vantasticmess, I spent every year from 14 to 25 telling myself that eventually I’d grow out of fandom: I would get too old to cosplay and I would write my own original stories instead of ‘just’ fanfiction. After all, adults don’t write fanfic and adults don’t make costumes for themselves. Adults get married and have kids and make costumes for their kids and write real stories and get published.
“like, i’m not saying that adults don’t have a place in fandom.” by @porcupine-girl, @melifair, et al. […] Fandom is vast and encompasses a multitude of interests and age groups. We all fandom responsibly, and those who abuse that at the expense of someone vulnerable or impressionable are not tolerated. This does not mean that anyone specific group of fandom should be limited. Nor does it mean that the only entertainment media created ever should be accessible to all viewing audiences. Young fandom will grow to understand this, not only in fandom but in life.
“Lmao 30-year-old women don’t belong in fandoms. Go knit or have kids or something.” by @rainbowloliofjustice, @the-salt, et al. […] It’s the fact I don’t get what these people think happens when you turn 18 it’s not like the second you turn 18 you just immediately lose interest in everything you were interested in at 17 and from then on only like strictly ‘adult™’ things. A lot of people who were in fandoms as teenagers stay in fandoms as adulthood. Fandoms aren’t minor-only spaces and never have been and there’s literally nothing wrong with adults in fandom environments.
Older fans are crucial to the survival of fandoms by @muchymozzarella, […] Not ONLY because they’re literally the ones keeping fandom afloat (AO3 wasn’t created or maintained by kids, let’s just say), but because older fans generally don’t attack or bully or fuck up a fandom by being aggressive or volatile or overzealous, destroying any enjoyment of a medium.
PSA by @bugsieplusone, I’ve been sitting on this post for a while because it probably reveals more about me on a platform that I’d rather not reveal but here goes. I’d like to talk about fandom and ageism. If you are older, you are: Allowed to like things, Allowed to create fan works, Allowed to discuss things with other like minded fans, Allowed to participate.
Reblog if Older Fans Are Welcome In Fandom by @cameoamalthea, For many fandom is a life long passion that starts young, but being a geek isn’t something you have to grow out of and put away. I didn’t start cosplaying until my 20s (I couldn’t have, and probably won’t be financially secure enough to do all the things I want until my 30s).
you are never too old for fandom by @hils79, […] You are never too old for fandom and if you think that’s true I pity you when you reach whatever arbitrary age you think is the cutoff point.
You are reinforcing a stereotype by @asocialjusticeleague, @olderthannetfic, et al; […] Whenever you question a woman’s right to this space because of her age or parental status, you are reinforcing a stereotype that has effects that reach beyond that one situation. The expectation, for example, that 40 year old men be catered to when writing comics, but that characters of interest to 40 year old women are obsolete or unprofitable.
you know what actually pisses me off? when I finally start to feel a smidge of confidence in my writing ability and then some JERK POSTS A SINGLE LINE FROM A TERRY PRATCHETT NOVEL AND IT’S BETTER THAN ANYTHING I WILL EVER WRITE NO MATTER HOW MANY MILLENNIA I SPEND TRYING!
Terry was a professional writer from the age of 17. He worked as a journalist which meant that he had to learn to research, write and edit his own work very quickly or else he’d lose his job.
He was 23 when his first novel was published. After six years of writing professionally every single day. The Carpet People was a lovely novel, from a lovely writer, but almost all of Terry’s iconic truth bomb lines come from Discworld.
The Colour of Magic, the first ever Discworld novel was published in 1983. Terry was 35 years old. He had been writing professionally for 18 years. His career was old enough to vote, get married and drink. We now know that at 35 he was, tragically, over half way through his life. And do you know what us devoted, adoring Discworld fans say about The Colour of Magic? “Don’t start with Colour of Magic.”
It is the only reading order rule we ever give people. Because it’s not that great. Don’t get me wrong, very good book, although I’ll be honest I’ve never been able to finish it, but it’s nowhere near his later stuff. Compare it to Guards Guards, The Fifth Elephant, the utterly iconic Nightwatch and it pales in comparison because even after nearly 20 years of writing, half a lifetime of loving books and storytelling Terry was still learning.
He was a man with a wonderful natural talent, yes. But more importantly he worked and worked and worked to be a better writer. He was writing up until days before he died. He spent 49 years learning and growing as a writer, taking so much joy in storytelling that not even Alzheimer’s could steal it from him. He wouldn’t want that joy stolen from you too.
Terry was a wonderful, kind, compassionate, genius of a writer. And all of this was in spite of many many people telling him he wasn’t good enough. At the age of five his headmaster told him that he would never amount to anything. He died a knight of the realm and one of the most beloved writers ever to have lived in a country with a vast and rich literary tradition. He wouldn’t let anyone tell him that he wasn’t good enough. And he wouldn’t want you to think you aren’t good enough. He especially wouldn’t want to be the reason why you think you aren’t good enough.
You’re not Terry Pratchett.
You are you.
And Terry would love that.
I only ever had a chance to talk to Terry Pratchett once, and that was in an autograph line. I’d bought a copy of The Carpet People, which was his very first book, and he looked at it with a faint air of concern. “You realise that I wrote that when I was very young,” he said, in warning.
“Yes,” I said. “But I like seeing how authors grow.”
He brightened and reached for his pen. “That’s all right then,” he said, and signed.
To any and all disabled people, sick people, people with illnesses, spoonies, people who spend a lot of time in doctors and/or hospitals, or anyone else at all that can relate,
Your body is your own. It’s your body.
And I know that you feel like it’s not your body because you can’t control it sometimes and other people sometimes control it instead and sometimes people think they know better than you about your body and you can’t choose how much you show people sometimes and you can’t choose what people know and don’t know sometimes… and everything… but it’s your body.
It sucks I know and I can’t promise it will get better but it is your body. You’re in charge of your body, when you can be at least. I know you wish things were different sometimes and that you wish you had more control over your body.
But as long as your disability or health does not prohibit you from doing so, because it’s your body, you can
Get piercings
Get tattoos
Dye your hair
Wear different clothes
Have your hair cut or styled
Draw on yourself
Paint your nails
(Similarly, feel free to style up those mobility aids. These are also, in a way, part of you, if you want to think of them as such.)
Because it’s your body. It really is, even when it doesn’t feel like it.
Also, if someone outside of a medical environment wants to know “WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?” You do not have to answer. You are in no obligation to tell them. You don’t have to educate people’s children if you don’t want to. You don’t have to inform anyone at all if you don’t want to. You don’t owe them anything, and it’s none of their business, because it is your body.
After a year of watching CR, the cast’s panels and the Between the Sheets interviews… I think I can safely say that the most important lesson I’ve learned from them is how life-changing it can be to surround yourself with good people.
Surround yourself with people who are open and vocal about how much they love and admire you, who call themselves your biggest fan and who are there to support you through your path to greatness.
Surround yourself with people who enjoy their own interests unapologetically, who genuinely seek for the things that will make them happy and who are not restrained by what people will think of them.
Surround yourself with people who aren’t afraid to show affection through words or physical gestures, who are shamelessly in love with their special other and who see that their love is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Surround yourself with people with healing energy, people who will listen to you attentively, who will offer a helping hand when the world is falling down around you, who will try their best to understand your struggles.
Surround yourself with people that are loud, who aren’t afraid to exist brightly and colorfully, who laugh and cry and have fun and feel with every fiber of their being.
Most importantly, though, be that kind of person. Put positive energy into the world and you will find it coming back to you. This group of nerds is just a taste of what unapologetic genuine shameless love can accomplish. And I feel grateful every day for the reminder that there’s someone out there who, when you least expect it, will show up and love you and make life a thousand times better.
A reminder that turning in assignments for partial credit is better than not turning them in at all. It is. Even if you think you’ve done a bad job and are ashamed of your work, or it’s way overdue, you take whatever you can get. Partial credit dramatically improves your grade over a zero, and I’m always astounded by how often even the smartest kids don’t really comprehend that. 60% is worlds better than 0%. Even 10% is going to help you. Letter grades are misleading and are not created equal. “F"s are mathematically valuable. Turn that late assignment in.
This goes for so many things in life tbh.
Can’t pay the full amount you owe on a bill? Pay as much as you can each month. Most places just wanna know you’re making a good faith effort. You can usually even call and ask for a smaller minimum monthly payment plan until you catch up, so that maybe you won’t be getting late fees added on to your balance. It’s worth calling to see.
Third time you’ve had to reschedule that doctor’s appointment? Oh well. Your doc probably just wants to make sure you make it in to their office at all. Keep trying.
Half-assing is always better than no-assing folks. I know lots of us are anxiety-ridden perfectionists and it feels like if we can’t do everything exactly right on the first try we just shouldn’t bother. But that’s not true.
My mom likes to say “anything worth doing is worth doing poorly” to emphasize that it’s okay to enjoy doing things even if you’re not good at them. The point is doing them. Make that shitty art project that makes you happy. Learn that new skill even if you suck at it at first. Make it to under half of the events of that club or organization you want to be a part of but can’t fully commit to. It’s okay. You don’t have to do it perfectly to do it at all.
Pretty simple and straight forward. It doesn’t matter if it’s tagged as a ship you dislike or you’re 10 chapters in, if you don’t like it or it disturbs you too much, stop. The back button is your friend.
Rule 2, Properly Tag
If your fic contains anything possibly triggering or squicky, tag it. If your fic is an AU, tag it. If your fic is about a ship, tag it. Vice versa, do not overtag or improperly tag. If your fic is based around Stucky, don’t tag Stony.
Rule 3, Filters are your friend
If the app or website has an option to filter tags, use it. If you need to download an extension, download it. If someone has missed an important tag, you can politely message them requesting to add it.
Rule 4, Don’t harass people for shipping your NoTp
We all have that one ship we absolutely positively hate with every fibre of our being. And chances are, someone hates your Otp with the same ferocity. Don’t harass people over shipping your NoTp.
Rule 5, Do your research
If you’re writing a fic and a plot point or character is introduced you’re not sure how to write, research it! Google is your friend! There are also blogs dedicated to assisting people with certain topics such as @writingwithcolor
Rule 6, Your kink is not my kink, and that’s okay
Chances are, someone gets off to something you hate. And, that’s okay! We all have different and varying tastes!
Rule 7, Feedback keeps content creators creating
Likes, comments, reblogs, and recomendations keep your fanfic writers writing. Where would writers be if no one read their works? Where would artists be if no one bought their art?
Rule 8, If you want it, write it
It’s bound to happen to everyone, you just can’t find a specific fic for a specific ship or it’s that one rare pair no one appreciates like you do. What do you do in this situation? You write it yourself! It may not be the best-written or most poetic or maybe it’s just a pure crackfic, but that’s okay!
Rule 9, Fanon is not Canon
Likewise, headcanons are not canon. And if someone has a different headcanon, that’s okay! Sure, we may ignore canon for fics but headcanons and fanfiction and fanart are not canon!
Rule 10, Fiction is not reality
And the most important of all, fiction is not reality. Writing abuse fics does not mean you support abuse in real life. Writing suicidal characters does not mean the writer is suicidal. Writing glorified murder fics does not mean the writer supports murder in real life.
If you have more positive rules, feel free to add! These are just 10 little rules I find to be very important for a happy healthy fandom. Remember, fandoms are supposed to be for fun! You write that shameless self-insert Mary Sue OC, you write that rarepair smut, you write that 250k slow burn Coffee Shop AU! You make fandom as fun as you want it to be!
does anyone have clothing suggestions for an aspirational butch on a budget who is 5′4′’ and wants to look like a very masculine woman from one angle and a sensual snake man from another. I want to look butch but emphasizing the titties. I want to look like a sneering 1950s greaser who makes other men uncomfortable with my delicate beauty. I don’t want to look genderless so much as genderfull. I want to look in such a way that every aspect of my outfit seems gender nonconforming but they’re all nonconforming to different genders. I want to look like the Fab Five gave a makeover to a butch lesbian, and I am not the person being made over, I am the Expert Butch that they pretend they’ve known for a long time and I teach her how to walk good. I want to periodically be described not as feminine but effeminate. I want to be a walking gender studies project. I want to be that part in a Shakespeare play where a boy acting as a girl acts like a boy who inadvertently seduces all the girls. I have fifteen dollars and big dreams
well, since this is remarkably close to what i’ve been working on achieving with my own style for like the last 5 years, I would like to share some of my findings with you, but first:
Welcome to the incredible tradition of genderfuck fashion, the realm of glorious beings like Tilda Swinton, Grace Jones, Janelle Monae, David Bowie. It’s a great place to be. The general ‘rules’ of constructing these looks are, I find, to either combine as many elements that are traditionally thought of as ‘feminine’ or ‘masculine’, or, if you like it simpler, to take smth ‘masculine’ and smth ‘feminine’ and turn it around or do the exact opposite of what fashion dictates at this time. (I am going to stop putting everything in quotes for ease of writing, but hopefully we understand each other: masculine and feminine quality are constructs and generally a major pain in the arse, but fun to play with.) Now, here’s a few gospels:
– trousers we buy at men’s departments, if you can find your fit. Jeans and any type of jean-style trousers should be skintight, but fall straight from the knee down. Slacks: tighter than acceptable for manly men. If your body type allows you, you can try to achieve a straighter silhouette from the waist down and downplay the curvature of your hips, but otherwise, just buy men’s trousers and make sure they’re offensively tight. – get a belt. thrift stores have lots of nice options. get a proper masculine leather belt with a metal buckle. if you’re wearing trousers, you’re wearing the belt. – shoes, well, imo there are a few classic options that still work great: brogues/oxfords, tall converse, and clunky stompy tall(ish) boots. wear these with everything, they’re pretty much an instant touch of androgyny for any look. – SOCKS. even if your pants are touching your shoes, you should have nice socks. if you’re up for advanced styling, color-coordinate them with the rest of your outfit. your socks are going to show when you sit down and a nicely-socked ankle between a good shoe and men’s trousers is sexy as fuck in a very genderfull way, I find. – now, tops is where it gets interesting. classic collared button-downs are a win, but the fit is key. either get them from men’s department and make sure they fit you as well as possible, or get them from women’s department and make sure they’re oversized. if you don’t have any tits to speak of, avoid anything with tailored room for boobs like the plague. a fantastic way to wear feminine tops and have them still be unsettling and in line with the genderfuck style is like this: a tight feminine tanktop or croptop under an unbuttoned men’s shirt. with oversized feminine tops: put a tight men’s tshirt or a bralette on first, then the oversized shirt, leave it unbuttoned, and tuck it in. wear the belt. think young Led Zeppelin. think David Bowie in those photos with his wife where you need a good minute to figure out which person is his wife. – scarves and neckties are your friend. so are waistcoats. – BLAZERS. if men’s blazers fit you, problem solved. if you need a women’s cut, get them oversized. wear them with everything. – a good masculine wintercoat does wonders. as do men’s leather jackets. – HATS. there are some Traditional Gay hat options, but, imo, get smth like a trilby and wear it with everything. it’ll class you up, plus it’s a masculine hat, so everything feminine you wear with it is going to get Genderfull.
Now, let’s talk about accessories and makeup: – if you do wear makeup, a great way to do it is to figure out what makes your face look slightly unbalanced, but in a good way. for example, the general rule with conventional feminine makeup is to wear both lip and eye makeup, but emphasise either one or the other. personally, i love turning this around: i either wear a lot of eye makeup and absolutely nothing on the mouth, or I do a Tilda and wear just dark/prominent lipstick, both of which make me look a bit unsettling. You can also do a I-had-sex-all-night rockstar smudged black or brown eyeliner, there’s literally no way to go wrong with that. Advanced Genderfull makeup would also be contouring for a masculine face with strong eye or lip makeup. – glitter. wear glitter with everything. wear glitter in the daytime. wear more glitter in the nighttime. a person that i don’t particularly like but who has excellent fashion advice, once said: “Just put glitter on it and sneer.” and tbh those are words to live by. wear glitter with the thick men’s leather jacket and stompy boots. wear glitter with waistcoats. it will take you into another realm altogether, i promise. – dangly earrings with a super masculine shirt, waistcoat, and tie – clunky men’s jewelry with lacy/floral/ultrafeminine tops – wear too many rings, and get acquainted with a big cuff bracelet, either metal or leather. wear chokers with men’s tshirts. – watches – a wristwatch has become a touch unusual, so work with it. make sure it’s not too big for your wrist (the face should be a touch smaller than the width of your wrist), but do make sure it’s bigger and clunkier than women’s wristwatches. no thin straps and coin-sized faces, please. – short nails – duh – and dark nail polish. the darker – and more glittery! – the better. – perfume, if you like wearing it, does miracles for the way you carry yourself and will subconsciously influence the way people perceive you. get a masculine fragrance and wear it when you need an extra touch of manly, and at the same time, get a feminine fragrance and wear it with the most masculine clothes. there’s nothing in the world like a dirty greaser in a leather jacket with smudged eyeliner that smells like flowers, i promise you. – and a word on haircuts to finish this off: if you have a more feminine face, get a masculine haircut. if you have a masculine face, get a girlier haircut.
I hope this gives you the general idea of what I’m talking about and that it helps. Now go forth and conquer, you gorgeous gender studies project.
Queer Fiction Writer 