-America’s wealthiest hemorrhoid
-America’s walking, talking brush fire
-Rome burning in man-form
-An ill-fitting suit full of chickens coming home to roost
-Twitter’s id made manifest
-A sentient circus peanut
-A racist voodoo doll made of discarded cat hair
-A clown made of mummified foreskin and cotton candy
-An upside-down piece of candy corn in a wig made of used medical gauze
-A clear plastic bag filled with cheeseburgers and Confederate flag belt-buckles
-An old piece of luggage covered in Cheese Whiz
-A kidney dropped on the floor at a Super Cuts
-Basically what happens if The Secret gets into the wrong hands
Tag: humour
My new hobby is sending my roommate pictures of Alpacas and captioning them with the band or musical genre they most resemble.
60s Polka (bonus, the alpaca on the right looks like an alpaca wearing an alpaca costume):
Early 70s British folk rock:
Echo & The Bunnymen:
David Bowie (ziggy stardust era, obviously):
Lynard Skynard:
90s Seattle Grunge:
U2:
Opera (timeless):
Hey yall I had a fuckin thought
So, as it’s roughly explained, the state alchemist program is a kind of “recruit potential human sacrifices” mechanism, with a side-order of “brute strength for the army”. But basically, the state alchemist title is mostly about being a researcher–given people like Shou Tucker exist, and given that the only requirement to stay a state alchemist is to submit a yearly report of your research that says “look I’m still being a useful scientist”.
So far, so far this is sensible, yeah? Father and the delightful children from down the lane are running a recruitment program for potential human sacrifices. So sure–butter them up! Give them lots of money, get them buddy-buddy with the government, and give them endless resources for research. It’s be pretty easy to trick a state alchemist in that position to open the portal if Sugar
DaddyBradley is nudging them to do it.And I’m still willing to go with this logic for the whole “draft the state alchemists into war” move. They make it pretty clear that was something of a last-ditch effort. And the blood transmutation circle around Amestris was an absolute necessity for Father’s plan. So the risk of a few state alchemists dying or resigning from your Potential Sacrifice Pool is worth it for the completion of the circle.
Now. To get to my fucking thought.
Edward fucking Elric. This fucking fight-me 12 year old troglodyte shows up to the exam and performs circle-less transmutation in front of mother fucking Bradley, demonstrating to one of the seven Actual Fucking Homunculi that he’d already opened the portal. Ed was literally prepped as a human sacrifice before he showed up to Central. A fully set human sacrifice showed up at the homunculi’s door, said “hey look what I can do!”, proved he’d opened the mother fucking portal already, and said “hey yeah hire me”. Human sacrifice, free shipping, no assembly required, handcuffs not included!
They could have just tossed Ed into a shoebox and kept him there until the Promised Day. They wouldn’t even need to make up an excuse he attacked the f u c k i n g president. That’s fucking treason babey. He’s 12, he’s an orphan, he’s from a rural town in buttfuck nowhere, he’s literally the easiest person alive to disappear. They could have arrested him for assassination crimes, kept him in gay baby jail, and just popped him out for the Promised Day
What do they do instead?! “Oh lmao this kid’s great. Let’s give him infinite money, no supervision, no governmental responsibilities, access to all our secret resources, and toss him on a train to who-the-fuck-knows-where-land”
They fucking did that
And like? They then had the audacity to be concerned when Edward “Fight Me” Elric almost got himself killed about 293 times. Just an endless game of “I thought u were watching him” from one homunculus to another when Ed fucking absconds half-way across the globe to go entice some other hostile entity into murdering him to death. That’s the whole series. Every arc is Ed baiting death while the homunculi are in the background like “:/ wish he wouldn’t do that”
This only gets worse when you consider they later learned Al opened the portal too because really?? These two stab-happy globe-trotting public menaces are 40% of your final evil plan for godhood. 40%. Almost half. You couldn’t fucking set aside a cardboard box to keep these idiots in?
We all knew Father was terrible at planning when we learned his thousands-of-years-in-the-making-plan involved him procrastinating until the last five minutes to get his last sacrifice, while he was?? playing chess in his fucking basement, I guess. But it’s like every time I think about it like really think about it I find 7 more reasons Father was a fucking shit idiot moron, king of the stupid fucking idiot club, flesh and blood founder of seven other established dumbasses, all living in their idiot hovel under central, just giving random dumbass 12 year olds infinite money, j u s t b e c a u s e.
People in the replies trying to justify Father’s actions fall into one of three categories
- Father didn’t baby-gate Ed because humans are like ants to him and he had no concept of how thoroughly Ed and co. could fuck his shit up
- Father and the Hot Topic Brigade didn’t lock Ed up because they recognized the unbridled chaotic 12-year-old energy compressed into such a small vessel and they understood no jail cell on earth would reliably hold this thing
- Father and his sin-sonas didn’t put Ed in a box because locking Ed away in their lair would mean dealing with Edward Elric day-in and day-out in their own home for the next four years and frankly even godhood isn’t worth certain flavors of hell.
Review of the book Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes by Cody O’Brien.
To sum up this book in a single sentence – “What would happen is Deadpool wrote a mythology book.”
Yeah, this guy-
Wrote a book. Here are some examples of why I think this.
GREEK MYTHOLOGY
The Greek creation myth.
The story of Hephaestus god of Blacksmithing and Aphrodite Goddess of Love.
The story of the Minotaur.
NORSE MYTHOLOGY
Norse creation myth.
Odin orders Loki to steal Freyja’s necklace. He does. This is so in character for both of them Freyja instantly knows who to blame.
EGYPTIAN MYTHOLOGY
Ra gets mad at humanity and creates Sekhmet Lion Goddess of Killing Stuff.
How Isis retrieves her huband’s coffin from the support pillar it got stuck inside.
MAYAN MYTHOLOGY
How to try and kill the god Zipacna and fail.
CHRISTIANITY MYTHOLOGY
How God made Eve from Adam’s rib.
The story of how King Solomon judges proper maternal instinct.
HINDU MYTHOLOGY
Men ask Shiva to stop Kali’s murder rampage.
And this is how he does it.
JAPANESE MYTHOLOGY
The Goddess Izanami gives birth to the whole island of Japan.
A story about Tanuki.
AFRICAN MYTHOLOGY
Creation myth
SUMERIAN MYTHOLOGY
Creation myth
The Epic of Gilgamesh: Being born
The Epic of Gilgamesh: Meeting his best friend.
NATIVE AMERICAN MYTHOLOGY
Do I really need to explain why I feel the Merc with a mouth was involved in the retelling here?
I have this book. I’ve read it about ten times and I love it.
This guy has a whole website
It’s called Better Myths, and it is a GIFT
I need this book!
@infernoking @d20-darling @askkakuro @thefingerfuckingfemalefury @windows-operating-system
The norse myth thing is 1000000% in character.
Terrible maps
I’m waiting for a map that’s terrible, where are they?
well, the poland one looks kinda like it has a face, so idk if that might qualify it for being terrible
Reading the place names in Iceland *with* dyslexia just makes me want to cry.
There’s an excellent series by Innuendo Studios on why you shouldn’t argue with right-wingers. In the alt-right playbook series, I believe. Boiled down, they make the point that these people don’t argue to win. They argue to get attention. When you engage, you are giving them a bigger platform and because of the way they obfuscate, move the goalposts, and lie, their rhetoric looks better to people who aren’t educated.
Agreed. I have this graphic that says, “It’s not your job to explain things to people who argue in bad faith. You aren’t the fuckface whisperer.”
I tried the new Snapchat filter on my cat today. He might kill me tonight but it’s worth it.
Source: http://bit.ly/2PFko8q