1. DEMAND condom use 2. Hold your partners accountable for what happens in the bedroom. None of this “baby I can’t control myself around you” or “I just wanted you so bad” bullshit. 3. Coercion is real and it’s very scary and hard to identify in the moment. Establish a dialogue with your partner. Be clear on what you both want. Be clear on what you don’t want. Your boundaries should ALWAYS be respected. 4. Sex can be really emotionally and physically over-stimulating the first few times; don’t be afraid or ashamed to ask your partner to slow down, take a break, or even stop. 5. Focus less on pleasing your partner and more on exploring your partner. Everyone’s body is different and there are no “tricks” to better sex. Chances are, if you psych yourself out worrying over how well you’re “performing” then nobody’s going to have a good time. 6. Ask questions, offer suggestions. Despite what porn has probably taught you, talking during sex isn’t weird or taboo. Your partner isn’t a mind reader. They don’t know what feels good to you. [Pro-tip, a looot of people without clitorises aren’t fully aware of just HOW sensitive a clitoris is. They can be a little rough with them. Tell them to chill!!!!] 7. Your sex life is YOUR business. Don’t ever feel ashamed of how many or how few sexual partners/experiences you’re having. Do what you want, touch the people who want to touch you back, forget the rest. 8. DON’T FAKE YOUR ORGASMS!! Don’t fake your orgasms!! DON’TFAKEYOURORGAMS!! If your partner isn’t getting you there, let them know! Tell them how!! 9. There is more to sex than orgasms. Sex is a really cool way to establish intimacy and trust, to have a fun time, to relieve stress, to explore a person’s body and bring them pleasure. Don’t get me wrong, orgasms are really cool and good, but your sex life is going to be a lot better if it doesn’t revolve around them. 10. LEARN ABOUT YOUR BODY!! This goes for everyone, but ESPECIALLY if you are a person in possession of a vulva, you have been discouraged and even actively kept from vital knowledge about your anatomy! Do some google searches, buy a human sexuality textbook, masturbate. 11. Virginity is a useless concept. It’s completely okay if your virginity is something important to you and I’m not trying to belittle that idea. Just, for the record, in the grand scheme of things it’s not a big deal. Literally nothing about you changes just because you bumped uglies with someone else.
This has been a public service announcement from your friendly internet poet.
Delegates at their convention just passed a resolution which says Gender Identity is not real and “an Ontario PC government will remove the teaching and promotion of “Gender Identity Theory” from schools and its curriculum”
UPDATE: Now they’re backpeddling a bit saying they will only debate it at their next convention.
Hey, Ontarians? Now would be a fantastic time to descend on your Conservative MPPs offices in an angry horde. Call them. Email them. Make appointments in person, if you can–make them look you in the eye and explain how they’re gonna sleep at night while enabling the deaths and discrimination of queer youth.
Teens, this means you, too. These are your lives and futures on the line, and you have every right to speak to your representatives, to organize protests and school walkouts, to decide that you deserve better than this. Because you absolutely fucking do.
The Ontario PC Party has passed resolution to no longer recognize gender identity theory, sources tell Global News.
The vote happened Saturday morning, during the party’s three-day convention in Toronto.
The resolution says gender identity theory is “A highly
controversial, unscientific ‘liberal ideology’; and, as such, that an
Ontario PC Government will remove the teaching and promotion of ‘gender
identity theory’ from Ontario schools and its curriculum.”
The vote was adopted as a party policy and is not binding government policy.
The
policy, named Resolution R4, was proposed by Tanya Granic Allen, a
former Ontario PC candidate in the June general election who was ousted
following what the Ontario Liberals called “homophobic” comments in a
2014 video.
The Bigoted Asshole Party passes a motion reconfirming their dedication to being bigoted assholes, while simultaneously reminding the entire world that they wouldn’t know legitimate scientific theory if it stabbed them in the face.
Sadly, this will only endear them to their transphobic conservative fans. Thanks again to all the assholes who voted for the useless Liberals and split the vote in the last election and gave us these assholes for the next four years.
Have you ever seen a twitter thread (or, in this case, two!) that so perfectly expressed everything you’d felt over months and months of harassment persistent? With all credit to @blackblobyellowcone, who is clearly amazing and completely gets it– not just why us women write and read the erotica that we do, but the history behind the censorship we, as a gender, have experienced. Bravo.
It is very responsible! Condoms have a 98% success rate in preventing pregnancy when used correctly*, and are the single most effective way to prevent STIs. There’s nothing “only” about that.
*”Correctly” mostly just means using them every time. When you see the statistic that they’re 82% effective with “typical use,” this doesn’t mean that people are making some subtle mistake in application, it means that they’re only using them some of the time.
Am I remembering correctly that the percentage numbers for preventing pregnancy are “over one year of use?” Because that’s the sort of thing that’s pretty important when determining relative risk.
Yes, it’s over one year. It’s not per sex act! We’d be up to our asses in babies.
like, u know there is a degree of moderation there, right? someone has to order the books to stock in the library. a library that lets any old creep stash their hastily scribbled shota pwp in between the shelves is a library that’s going to be shut down p quick. by the police. for providing ppl with child porn. (and yes if a picture of a tree or a description of a tree can make someone experience a tree, then the same can be said about a picture or description of a child in a sexual situation ffs)
I mean there’s like a million other logistical differences, and idk who checks erotica out of a library, but hey ppl can be wild abt these things
Hooboy. Well, as a librarian who has worked in many varieties of libraries, let me… try to… respond to this from a library and librarian perspective.
1) It is true that libraries have a process to go through for accepting materials, and that there is a degree of selectivity involved–this is because libraries have limited budgets, limited physical space, and limited staff to process and manage materials.
So, yes, any random junk written and left in the library would be thrown out. Not because the library would be concerned about its liability if anyone should see it; because we like to keep the library clean and organized, and leaving stuff on the shelf is not how we add things to the collection (how would they get CATALOGUED and LABELED???) And, of course, any adult attempting to show pornography (or, say, themselves) to actual children would be Removed From The Library because this would involve actual children being harmed by an actual adult in direct contact with them. Police do not shut down the libraries where this happens. They arrest the people harming the children.
Meanwhile, libraries spend VAST SUMS OF MONEY and ENDLESS STAFF HOURS to keep copies of Fifty Shades of Gray on the shelves where children actually can find them quite readily (and have them checked out on their library cards if mom’s has too many fines). Same with Last Tango in Paris and Flowers in the Attic and Year’s Best Erotica collections. (And Bibles, which get stolen at a ridiculous pace. I don’t know why, we were just forever having to order more of them.)
In an online space, which has effectively unlimited space, where adding new material costs nothing, and where the process of organizing that material and making it available is fully automated and what labor is involved is taken on by the contributing author, literally none of those constraints apply, so more content is more content! It’s catalogued and labeled as soon as it’s posted! It cannot be misshelved. Perfect!
2) This is not to say that no physical library has handwritten erotica in its collection somewhere. Many, many libraries collect rare local works such as self-published zines, and unique items like the personal papers of notable people (San Jose State University, for instance, holds the papers of the Kensington Ladies’ Erotica Society; The University of Iowa Zine Collection includes fanfic zines with erotic content; UCLA has the personal papers of Anais Nin), and doubtless some of these zines and personal papers include erotica. Because this handwritten material would be unique and its value would be presumed to lie mainly in the fact of its authorship, it would be properly collected, not in a library, but in an archive or special collection, where some archivist would dutifully folder it and make a note of what it was so future visitors to the collection could readily access it.
The main goal there would be to protect the material, not the person who might potentially view the material.
I worked in a public library which had an extensive collection of Playboy on microfilm, for instance. We kept it behind a desk where it had to be requested and checked out with a library card before it could be viewed. This was partly to prevent children viewing material inappropriate for their age–just as, say, the AO3 clearly marks adult material as such–but mainly to prevent vandalism of the material by people who disapproved of it. Several of the images on the film had been damaged by people trying to scratch them out; for the safety of the microfilm, we restricted access to it. This is also why the AO3 doesn’t allow people who dislike a fic to force it to be taken down.
This is also why most libraries celebrate Banned Books Week by eagerly higlighting works which people have ATTEMPTED to force to be removed from libraries–including work like Lolita, which is read by many as a titillating pedophile love affair. Librarians are not celebrating Lolita. They are celebrating the principle that they will not be stopped from collecting materials of interest and making them available to readers.
3) From your description of a library where children can freely access anything on the shelves, you seem to have only one conception of a library–a public library with open stacks, or perhaps a school library. There are, in fact, many kinds of libraries, with academic libraries being the most obvious foil to your description.
In an academic or university library, all authorized users of the library are adults who take adult responsibility for what they find in the library, much like when adult internet users indicate on a website that they are choosing to view adult content.
When I worked in a university library, I asked one of the librarians what do when a guy was sitting at a computer very obviously watching porn while a young woman, sitting next to him doing something text-based, seemed like she might be uncomfortable. I was told in no uncertain terms that the library’s policy was to relocate the person who was uncomfortable. The library was a repository of information and a place to access information: any kind of information, including the erotic. Under no circumstances would we curtail a library user’s access to that information.
(Unless he got his own actual dick out where people could see it, then we could call the campus police. Because, again: actual humans directly involved.)
Duke University Library Erotica Collection, 1940s-1960s (”An archive of original illustrations, sketchbooks, and erotic stories, depicting transgressive sex acts including (but not limited to) lesbian and heterosexual sex, incest, pedophilia, sadomassochistic behavior, and copulation with objects as varied as sex toys, produce, and household appliances. The stories and illustrations appear to be the work of a single individual, with nearly all narrative told from a female’s point of view. Also includes some amateur pornographic photography and magazine clippings.”)
This piece is about prude-shaming and compulsory sexuality. It’s sort of a companion to this other piece, which is about slut-shaming and how wanting to have lots of casual, unconventional sex doesn’t make you a bad person. Follow SexEdPlus or check out SexEdPlus.Com for more stuff like this!
(My girlfriend wanted a post with bunnies.) To be clear: it’s also fine not to have sex, and compulsory sexuality is a problem too, but this post is a response to slut-shaming.For more like this, follow sexedplus or visit sexedplus.com.
Do you ever think about how sperm don’t work right at body temperature and that’s why males have external testicles? Design-wise that is such a huge risk to take. Your most important organ is swinging free outside your body, vulnerable to injury or attack. All because one (1) type of cell, your fucking gametes for christ’s sake, cannot function at the normal body temperature of the organism they belong to. What the fuck. I never want to hear a man try and say females are biologically inferior ever again.
While I’m at it also they have to share one hole that they both pee and have sex out of. That’s fucking gross and unsanitary. Everytime a man cums in you you’re also getting all the pee that was in his urethra enjoy that thought ladies. You know how many holes birds have? One. They pee, poop and have sex all in the same hole it’s called the cloaca. You know how many holes women have? Three. Because we evolved one. Evolution-wise, men fall somewhere between a chicken and a human female. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.
Evolution-wise, men fall somewhere between a chicken and a human female
Is just about the most legendary sentence I have ever read in my life in any language..
Ok, I just GOTTA use some of my human sexuality minor here, cause I studied this shit for 4 years and spent a lot of money on it.
Female anatomy if fucking awesome and is extremely strong, resilient, and efficient. It is NOT inferior in any way and OP made a good point about that.
But male anatomy is awesome too, and I don’t want ANY trans, nonbinary, and even cis folks with penises to feel like shit about their junk.
We aren’t quite sure why humans have their testes outside of their bodies, but human sexuality researchers have a pretty good idea. Our closest mammalian relatives (bonobos and chimpanzees) also have large testicles outside of their bodies. Another relative, the gorilla, has smaller testes closer to the body. Why is this? The theory is that bonobos and chimps live in polyamorous groups, meaning there’s a lot of group sex and sperm competition. Gorillas on the other hand, have an alpha who does most of th mating, meaning less competition. It’s hypothesized that fucking huge balls allow for stronger sperm, in order to compete against other members also trying to pass their genes along in the same female.
BALLS ARE BIG CAUSE THERES A FUCKING WAR GOING ON IN THE VAGINAL CANAL.
Now pee: shit man fuck no. Pee isn’t held in the urethra, it’s held in the bladder. But sure, like sperm, there’s microscopic pee particles in the urethra, just like there’s microscopic pee particles on the labia of a female. The calpers gland (this tiny little dude bro is fucking doing you a solid and you probs didn’t even know it existed) is a gland meant to slick the urethra during sexual arousal, cleaning out all of the microscopic pee, dead skin, etc. in the urethra. That’s where precum comes from. The pelvic floor muscles also clamp down on the part where the bladder meets the urethra during arousal, so there’s no way new pee can come out during sex.
THE URETHRA IS CLEAN AND THE CALPERS GLAND IS DOING YOU A FUCKING SOLID BRO.
I know too much about balls and penises and now you do too.
I love that he is simultaneously this guy and the guy who can barely get out the word “lovemaking” when describing what Take Me To Church is about during a radio interview
Queer Fiction Writer 
